Job hunting without a "shield"

There's a reason that I haven't written much lately on the blog, one that probably is easy to guess.

When you've been laid off, there's a helpless feeling of being out of control of your future. I compare it somewhat to the plight of a college coach who badly wants a particular recruit to pick his or her college. They probably feel that they have to outwork all of the other coaches and feel like that they never can do enough in in their attempt to sway the kid.

That's been my feeling. I don't have a paying job, but I certainly have a job: To get somebody to hire me. To do that, I spend hours each day on my laptop checking job listings and applying for all sorts of jobs. But it never feels like I've done enough.

Until last Thursday, though, I didn't do that with quite the same anxiety.

The first time that the editor of the Daily Press tried to call me March 17, on my day off, to summon me for an HR meeting, I didn't answer. I had the ringer off because I was in the middle of an interview for a job that would pay more than the one I had.

When the guy interviewing me was checking his BlackBerry just before we went to lunch, I checked my phone. I saw the missed call, and immediately knew it was the Daily Press and that I was going to be laid off.

But the interview went very well. He had been doing his job and the job for which I was interviewing. When we were wrapping up, he commented that, if it were up to his wife, he'd hire me right there because he had been spending so much time at work. But he said wanted to interview one other candidate.

The interview went well and I felt like I had a solid shot at getting hired.

Between that day and last Thursday, it was as if I had an artificial mental shield from my unfortunate reality. I blogged fairly frequently, although I still was plugging away very hard looking for other job opportunities. I felt anxious, but optimistic.

But that shield was lifted last Thursday when I got word that he was hiring another candidate who has a lot more of experience than me in a key area.

There have been lots of compelling topics to blog about since then, but I didn't write about them. It not only that the time writing a blog entry takes away from job-search time, it also was the result of my general outlook changing because the shield was gone.

Searching for jobs is a lot different from five years ago. I've only had to go to the post office once since most employers ask that you apply for jobs electronically. It makes the process much easier, but it also makes it much more impersonal in a lot of ways.

I miss my old job and the talented folks I worked with a lot. I'd sure prefer looking through a list of stories to edit over checking lists of job openings. It's as if somebody told me abruptly that I can't run, but I might be able to run again at some point.

The lack of control is extremely frustrating and, amazingly, my right knee is giving me a little trouble while running lately. What else can happen?

But I'm trying to stay positive and will keep plugging away and hoping that that next job isn't that far away. I know from talking to some others in the same situation that I should feel fortunate to at least have had an interview. I also know that there are people who have been looking for a job much longer than I have.

Now, about Duke winning the national championship? I don't want to talk about it!